Here i am ..........On the Road AgAiN

Morning starts with a whiff of soft wind blowing on me cheeks. and i am conccious of nothing but the fact that there is a little pain in my neck. and i crane it a bit and yank it some....side to side and up and then again on one side. CRACK!!!!!! wow that sure sounds and feels good

and all i can feel in that moment is happiness , immense happiness at the start of a new day

but who knows what all this day has to bring to me. how many times will i be told to put a comma in my sentence, or to start it with a CAPITAL

AND NOT TO PUT unNECESSARY spaces between the paragraphs

or maybe told to wait outside for over an hour at a client site only to be told to come back later in the week on a saturday.

or maybe when i am riding a metro some pimply fat assed lady will come along and claim that i have no right to be seated

but then it does not give me a reason not to smile at the end of the day right?

and to smile at the thought of the possibilities that life has to offer and life which is so grand that it brings all new challenges and all new surprises everyday

well its so strange u know.. its like u standing under a tree and u poop ( thats my expression for anything that flows.....dun ask for an explanation.....u will not like it )

anyways u poop down there, under the tree and then u come back to that spot , that same very spot where you were earlier and it will not be the same, in any way

i mean life is like that, u keep running around and then nothing will be the same. but if ur sitting god damn still some one will sneak under ur nose and paint FUCK OFF just when ur having a good time ( thanks Mr. Salinger for that line(

anyways so what i mean here is that i had taken a few pics

which i have posted ahere at the pretence of writing a blog and connecting those pictures in intricate sensse to what i have written here

but i am tired now

you just SEE THE PICTURES HERE

AND YOU DAMN WELL LEAVE SOME GOOD COMMENTS OR YOU WILL ALSO SHUT DOWN WITH YOU PC

and then u will have to hold your tounge out and put one finger on ur butt and press enter to get started again

anyways i know that was a bad ass joke, me sense of humor took a beating ever since i read Joseph Heller

will get better

as such i am not looking for a pulitzer in blogging

see ya

have a nice life

Janis Joplin "Mercedes Benz"

Oh lord, wont you buy me a mercedes benz ?
My friends all drive porsches, I must make amends.
Worked hard all my lifetime, no help from my friends,
So lord, wont you buy me a mercedes benz ?


Oh lord, wont you buy me a color tv ?
Dialing for dollars is trying to find me.
I wait for delivery each day until three,
So oh lord, wont you buy me a color tv ?

Oh lord, wont you buy me a night on the town ?
Im counting on you, lord, please dont let me down.
Prove that you love me and buy the next round,Oh lord, wont you buy me a night on the town ?


Everybody!
Oh lord, wont you buy me a mercedes benz ?
My friends all drive porsches, I must make amends,
Worked hard all my lifetime, no help from my friends,
So oh lord, wont you buy me a mercedes benz ?

Random thoughts from an empty mind

The biggest irony of life …….well the biggest farce played out on all humans is the belief that life has a greater meaning and a greater cause. When we are young and all, we are told that you have to search for that “Greater Cause”. Textbooks and textbooks and millions of pages are written and taught and chewed and spit till they almost become a cliché. The words telling us about life’s of great men and woman who supposedly “ Found “ that greater calling of there lives.

Plato , Einstein, Madame Curie, Napoleon, Iacocca and a million others who lived for a greater good and a greater cause.

We keep on believing and we keep on looking for that greater cause all throughout our lives. Believing that one day we will find that elixir of life, the alchemist’s gold and things will suddenly change for us. Even I am the one who kept believing that and kept searching for it. Until recently I was watching this movie, “wonder Boys”, where the guys says once, “Life is something that happens to us when we are looking for something else”


Well I could habve dismissed the thoughts that followed like any other thought provoking ideas are auto filtered in my system but then again on a closer introspection I found that these 23 odd years, in which I have been trying to stay alive, more then 15 were spent creating tools which one day will help me make a career in the future, then next 5 were spent specializing the tools which one day will help me to get in the “future” and possible land a good, decent and high paying job. And then the next 2-3 years I was tryng to make a career which will one day help me settle down in the “ future” and now recently the latest thing on ma mind is, retirement planning and my “future” kids education plans. Well and if I count in all the holidays, being sick, attending family functions and all, then I guess the total will come to around 365 odd days. So one out of 23 years, I actually was living. Doing the things I want to do. Watching the green leaves, doing nothing and basically feeling alive. Extrapolate that a bit and if I manage to stay alive till another say 40 years I will die a very sad man coz I would have lived for only around 3-4 odd years. So 56 years of toil so that I can live for just 4 years.

All this time I keep on living in the future when I am loosing out the life that is tickling away right here right now. The life I can spend being happy about today, about here and about now. If only I can detach my mind from 2010, I may notice all the reasons I have to be happy right now. Alll the tiny little details that are around me which can make me happy right here in this moment. I guess its like a veil over my eyes and in moments like this when this veil is suddenly lifted I find as if everything is “ok”.

All of a sudden things become so beautiful. And almost in the same instant all this weight that I feel in my head is lifted. And I feel so alive again. But then in a moment the cell phone rings and there is some one giving me a 1 lakh rupee loan, or maybe one of ma friends wants to share his career planning with me, or maybe it’s the mobile phone company reminding me of my overdue bills. And then the moment is lost and trust me no matter how hard I try it does not come back too often..


Well I got inspired by my own writing and I decided to come and sit outside in the balcony, outside the 4 walls I spend my life in. The walls remain almost the same. The location keeps on changing. One point of time I am confined in the four walls of my house and in the next moment I move to rthe four walls of my office. And if maybe I need a change I go to see the walls of a restraunt. But like I said the walls remain more or less the same. . Well that’s my life for now.

Anyways coming back to the point. I guess education should be modified a bit and there should be a different subject called “life” which should teach you how to live. How to make mistakes and learn from them. How to be a fool and still get by. How not be great and still be happy. It should teach about all the people like Einstein and all and still tell you in bold and underlined text, that Einstein as a kid loved doing what he did as an adult. That Einstein compromised a lot to do what he loved to do. He was not emulating anyone. But he was being an average clerk in a govtt. Office and finding time to live in the moment and do what he loved to do.

How madame curie got cancer doing what she was doing and loving. Had these people been living for the future glory I doubt very much that they would actually have got it. And imagine a “Newton” sitting under the tree and thinking about his next job change, I doubt he would have given a damn if the apple was falling or maybe if the whole damn tree would have fallen. Poor gravity would have got compromised because of someone’s career planning.


Well I am beginning to think that if all these things I am trying to tell you are actually true then what the hell am I doing on this stupid lap top?

He he he he

That’s what life is I suppose. Happy journey anyways!!!!!!!!!!!

The Journey into the Unknown...

Every once in a while some thing happens......some strange event, or maybe some one comes along and there is this spark of revelations...

And i feel tempted to write....

But it does not happen to often anyways.

So what happened this time, what invoked this knee jerk reaction to make me want to write today? well to tell you the truth, i don't know :)

But then it ws like, i was enjoying my weekend and all. Basically doing nothing at all, and from nowhere, came this whole avalanche of questions? A whole lot of questions.....which i have been asking myself many a times. And o tell you the truth i have never really figured out a "perfect" answer. Like this one, "What is Happiness"?

Now i tell you this is one solide gold question ok! everytime i ask this question my answers change. And that drives me nutts. and i have this stupid habit now of actually "Writing" down the answers. and my oh my .......all of them are damn diffrent.

Back in college, happiness was getting through exams alive....then it became finding a job i loved. This happiness then suddenly morphed itself, into "finding ANY job"

and then momentarily it was doing the best in my job.

and soem where during the transitions and turn of pages pooor happiness, got , well, kinda ......LOST!

i do not really know where is my happiness right now. Is it in doing the right thing for my carrer, or is it doing the best in my job right now? o is it in making my folks happy? or is it in doing the right thing and basically being a fucckin boy scout!
Well i am sorry i know my language is taking a toss

Anyways the thing is that now she has got lost., and its been quiet some time since i could really find it. But then i thought of this stupid blog n all and i suddenly started missing some of my really good frnds here. Like marie Frey.....i used to like that one...and at some point of ime, gettin comments from her used to make me happy. Take Pallavi Sharma, my little wookie, my gaurdian angel. I tell you if you find one frnd who even comes 1 % close to what this girl is, well you will not need to keep lookin for happiness no more. Like i am.

But then, i do not know even why i am thinking about you all. Why i miss you all? Buy i know for sure that i have lost something, my happiness, my focus and my resolve. I let things happen to me to a point where i lost control.....and i am not being able to grab hold of that ever elusinve cliche' of a "Perfect Happy Life"

it will take me some time to figure that one out but one day i am going to crack this code....i am going to find out the root of all this. Which makes people go round n round.....

Well till then.....have a nice life

Swapnil's Wonderful Work.......